The Guide To A Happy Relationship
“We met on a plane.”
That’s my partner, Francesco’s, version of our love story.
But I’m going to share mine given that we’re celebrating 10 years together this week.
And it is a celebration because there’ve been so many times that I didn’t think we’d make it this far.
You see relationships are an area , where I’ll admit , my thoughts look real to me.
It’s the area that I’m most prone to getting lost in insecure thinking.
“Should I stay, should I go”?
“What if we get married and it all falls apart”?
Luckily over the years my wisdom has been able to over-ride most of my insecure thought with Francesco and in doing so rather than walk out every time things got tough between us, I’ve been wise enough to wait a while.
In waiting a while the storm in my head often cleared and I found that when it did I fell back in love again.
I’ve come to see lately that’s just how it works.
When we’re not caught up in our thinking , getting lost in insecurities or analyzing the future based on the past or how we feel today, the love is always there.
The good feeling ,that’s our innate wellbeing, gets to surface once again.
I think that’s why people are often so in love for the first 6 months of any new relationship, a honeymoon period of no thought interference about the other person.
Then somehow we move away from that natural state, getting lost in the storm of judgement, expectations and self-consciousness.
It’s innocent of course, but it’s not wisdom.
Wisdom doesn’t judge love.
Wisdom just is and lets you know what to do, even how to love or when to say goodbye.
I wish I’d known this before , that my thinking was all that was in the way of loving more deeply.
Instead I often jumped on the roller coaster of thought and rode it well, letting it take me up and down and all around, exhausting our love and connection in the process.
As I’ve come to understand more about the principles that dictate the human experience, I’ve noticed our love grow deeper and the relationship settle down.
When I look back at our 10 years together I see how the power of wisdom, rather than thought, helped us both endure.
It was my wisdom that told me to turn around and sit down next to Francesco on the plane that day I met him.
By take –off we were holding hands.
It was as if I’d known him forever.
There was pure connection.
No interference from thought.
I think this state of no thought is what makes it possible to be in love all the time, to even fall in love with anyone or the same person over again , when we’re not lost in thought about the other person or ourselves, love is all that’s there.
Whilst I don’t believe we’ll want to engage in an intimate love with everyone we meet , I do believe we can have a good feeling and deep connection with just about anyone we meet.
So that’s my take on relationships, my guide, spoken mostly from the personal so choose what resonates and below are some nuggets of wisdom, things that have helped me regain my bearings and evolve this love story over time…
- Don’t make decisions about your relationship when you’re lost in a thought storm about it, wait until you settle down and you’ll receive direction on what to do next.
- Remember that your man has wisdom too you know.
- Don’t evaluate the future of your bond based on how your relationship looks today, everything is subject to change because we experience others and all of life through the ever changing transient energy of Thought.
- Avoid feeding your insecurities by looking for evidence or advice from other people about your love life. Since we all experience life through the principle and gift of Thought , everyone’s thoughts will vary, people have different rules, expectations and ideas when it comes to love, what works for them might not for you.
- Know that it’s ok when the relationship settles down, even gets a bit quiet, that if you can be together calmly, quietly and still comfortably, it’s a very good sign.
- Let your relationship happen and see where it takes you instead of taking charge and control of it, when love takes over everything’s up for grabs!
- Know that a man on purpose is very attractive but in the periods he’s not , rather than condemn him or hurry him along, give him space to come up with his next step, it’s built into him to succeed.