How To Stop “Shoulding” Yourself Everyday
Are you “shoulding” all over yourself?
On Sunday, I shouldn’t have eaten so much ice cream.
Today I shouldn’t have fallen asleep on my couch at only 10am; I mean, Jesus what’s that all about?
Now, I should sound like an expert and not reveal my inadequacies or take “the Lord’s name in vain” online , seeing as you’re hoping for some expert tips here.
“Should” does that you see, it leads to this sort of self-hatred, fear and self-abandonment.
Let me explain why this single little word is so damn powerful.
You’ve been brought up surrounded by authoritarian figures, your mother, father, your church, teachers, society as a whole.
Then you’ve likely entered a career with some perfectionist or power hugging boss, you know the types.
Along the way in any of these relationships you thought these figures were more powerful, more expert or more “something” than you .
So you listened intently to their advice and experience instead of what could be true for you.
No doubt you bartered like a great sales child for their attention, praise and approval too.
The more power you gave them , especially if you infatuated with them ,the more you minimized you.
And now look at you, five or twenty years later still beating yourself up for what you should and shouldn’t do.
Now for the best part.
You shouldn’t do what you say you “should” do.
Yepiee, rebellion in the classroom!
When you carry out tasks with the vibration of “should”, you:
- Tire yourself.
- Rarely achieve any results.
- Feel like a 5 year old again and wonder why you haven’t made it up the career ladder thus far.
So, yesterday I told my Father, my old English Teacher and bestselling author of French Women Don’t Get Fat, Meireille Giuliano to “SHOULD OFF”.
They’ve been running my mind lately on how I should live my life.
This helped me get way more done, check my bank account (hate doing that) and eat what my body desired, here’s some more tips to help you too.
CityGirl Guide: 3 Ways To Stop “Shoulding” All Over Yourself .
1) Look who’s talking.
Log of how often you’re beating yourself up, feeling guilty or simply saying should on a daily basis.
Ask yourself who is really talking to you?
Write the name of the person down next to the should you’re experiencing then go off and do something you want to do instead.
Be sure to burn the list of names and shoulds at the end of the working day.
2) Make a note of anyone you currently admire.
Those we admire run our mind too, notice do any of your shoulds lead back to this person?
It could be an author a colleague or some random skinny CityGirl you see on the street, either way you’re currently giving too much power to whatever is important to them, not you.
Commit to following your own intuition and values instead of theirs.
If you try to live by what’s important to them and the life they’ve created you’ll fail because you’re not honouring who you are and what you really want to do.
Make your own decisions according to what you want to do not what “they” think you should do.
3) Make Love not Should.
If it’s something you really “should” do, like get to a doctor or pay a bill, replace the word “should” with “love”, and notice how much easier it is to get the task done.
Works for me when I say: I really “shouldn’t” buy this Chanel! Ha!
So who’s “shoulding” you lately? And how do you suggest I stop eating Italian ice-cream?